Ever had that discussion with your parents/older relatives about what you want as your career which is then followed by a nagging and resolved by…well, not really resolved at all because the discussion keeps on resurfacing?
Yeah, I hate those.
See, my grandma tells me that she became a Home Economics teacher because that’s where the money was at during her time. My grandpa on the other side chose to teach because he wanted to teach, so he worked his way up until he got his doctorate and taught at a university level, and then he went back to school to get a degree in law and proceeded to be a lawyer for two years until he retired.
My parents on the other hand, they chose their careers because that was their “best option,” and lo and behold, in the age of technology and disease, their careers are at a high.
Now, me, well I have options. I can go to Med school, but my heart isn’t there. I can do administrative work but me behind a desk 8 hours a day? I don’t think so. I can do counseling but I’ll probably be the worst one out there, or I can go into social work/public health, but the job economy isn’t all too great as it is still a growing field. I’m stuck between counseling and social work, and as much as I hate working with people, I can’t really avoid it. I guess I really want to go into those lines of work because I’ll be working to help people better themselves.
So I get nagged and told off about my career choices (which by the way leads to my other life struggles, or failures as my parents would address them, as if they have anything to do with my career choices)
I think the problem with my generation is we were told, at a very young age, that when we grow up, we can be whatever/whoever we want to be. And the best part? We get options! LOTS OF THEM! Pair those two together and you get someone like me who is pretty fuckin confused with my choices to the point that I blank out on how to use a can opener. I mean, there’s no doubt that options are great, but I just wish I had an older sibling who I can trust with my whole heart to motivate me or steer me in a good direction or help me narrow down those choices. You know, someone to tell me “hey, you need to buckle down. choose one fuckin career and give it your all.”
Another setback (which is also an asset), and this may just be my personality, but I do see it in others as well, is the fact that I’m scared. I’m scared to have a mid-life crisis. I fear being unhappy with my career later on in life. You know, living in such a technological age where a new Apple product comes out every six months or so, I feel like I have become pickier with my choices. I literally took three hours at Fry’s deciding between 2 sound systems. I nitpicked down to the nitty gritty like the wattage of the subwoofers and shit that no one really gives much of a fuck about. This perfectly demonstrates where I’m at with this career shit. I’m nitpicking through the tiny details. And that’s what’s holding me back from just taking a stab at life ya know. All this options shit mashed together with this exploratory phase and fear just makes deciding so much harder.
With all that said, it’s not that I haven’t figured myself out. Don’t get me wrong, I have some sort of direction I’m following, it’s just that I’m preparing myself just in case that direction forks later on. Like I think worst case scenario would be waking up when I’m 50 and saying to myself “I hate my life.”
Of course it doesn’t help when my parents and relatives all have their eyes on me as I take each fuckin step towards being a fully-fledged independent adult (or fuck up whatever I end up becoming)
But here’s to me putting myself out there, applying for jobs and studying for the GREs (well attempting to hahaha)